Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
