I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
