I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
