Don't make out with my wife yet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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