o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
