Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
