you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize