Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
