She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize