Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
