i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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