What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
