So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
