White coat. Heels.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
