You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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