Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
