I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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