i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
