It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
