I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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