were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize