I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
