i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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