i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
