so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
