Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
