I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
