I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I will be naked everywhere
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
