Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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