I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
