i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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