how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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