my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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