I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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