Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
