I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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