Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
