ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
