Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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