he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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