Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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