I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
