THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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