I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
