Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
