My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
