we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
