ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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