I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
