I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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