Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
