I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
