I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
