At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
