The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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