It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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