I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
