he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
