you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize