dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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