Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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