having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
