You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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