please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
