She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
