I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
