he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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