I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
