you guys were way drunker than both of me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
