i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
