I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Fuck appropriateness.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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