if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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