if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
