...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
