spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
smell my finger.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
