How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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