Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
