Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
