Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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