is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
