Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
FUCK WHALES
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
