i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
