There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
