Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
