Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Everyone says I win the strip club
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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