I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize