I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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