Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
