Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
