tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
