bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
