remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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