member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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