I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize