i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
