Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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