Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
