So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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