dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
