I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
