If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
