Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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