How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
