I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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