You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
