i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This is my gift to your gina
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
