Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
