i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
